Its been a while since I have written on here. A lot has happen to me and my family. In June My husband of 14 years left me and wanted a divorce, He fell in love with another women. I women he had known in 6th grade. She moved on the East coast. They found each other on face book. That is the short of it. I have taken the house, the kids and anything else I want. On Wed the 19 of augest He informed me he got a job in New York were she lives. He left on Friday the 21 of augest. He had known for two weeks but did not bother to tell me until two days before.
How am I doing? How am I coping? Soon after he told me. I went down hill. I was not able to cope with much. Until I had an old friend step out of the shadows and held out his hand. He has been my angel. Talking me through things. Making sure I am okay. Making me laugh. If it hadn't been for him, I don't know where I would be. All my co worker have been their for me. My family and my friends. I have a strong support group. My girlfriends and I get together and have some fun. Usally hang out and have dinner.
Where am I at now?
I am in a great spot, I am a single mom of 5 great kids, I work full time, I am finding myself again. I am enjoying my close friendships, I am doing things with the kids, I am learning that its okay to try new things.
Where am I going?
I am staying in Kitsap, raising my children, getting them through school and graduating with out problems. I want to go back to school to be a RN. I want to live life and see what happens, I want doors to open and I take opportunities I would never had taken.
What about my future?
One day at a time
What do I want?
I want what I can't have.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
A book to read
I just got done reading Breakfast at Sally's. I live in the town where this story takes place. All the places in this book are real. The people are real. One person he talks about in this book I have dealt with myself. I at one time worked for security in our hospital and then an EMT I had the pleasure of experiencing Andy one of the people in his book. I always wondered what happened to him. Well in reading the book I found out. Sorry gotta read the book.
This book really made me think about my life and my family. I can't begin to tell you how sad it made me feel on how some of our homeless are treated. We don't know why they are homeless or how they became homeless. We judge them and think why can't they just go away.
After reading this book I can't look at the homeless the same. They had families and jobs. They had money. Some just were in the wrong place at the wrong time, others are running and I don't mean from the law. They run from a abusive spouse or parent or had their life threatened. What ever the reason it could be you next.
What if you lost your job or company? what would you do? would your family stand beside you and help you out?
This book really made me think about my life and my family. I can't begin to tell you how sad it made me feel on how some of our homeless are treated. We don't know why they are homeless or how they became homeless. We judge them and think why can't they just go away.
After reading this book I can't look at the homeless the same. They had families and jobs. They had money. Some just were in the wrong place at the wrong time, others are running and I don't mean from the law. They run from a abusive spouse or parent or had their life threatened. What ever the reason it could be you next.
What if you lost your job or company? what would you do? would your family stand beside you and help you out?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
My husband the genius
As I was clocking for work tonight I realized I forgot my iPhone. I called my husband to let him know I left it on the couch. He couldn't bring it to me and I knew that.
Why? you might ask. 2 reasons...
The valve stem on one of the tires to our suburban decided to leak last night.
About 15 min later my husband and my son with a friend that was spending the night walk in.
How did they get to my work, you might ask?
They rode their bikes. Now I only live a mile away. My husband got the bright idea that he would ride a bicycle
He walks in with a bloody knee. Yes he managed to crash on the bicycle. My son tells me he fell off the curb and landed on the rode. My son looks at his father and says " dad get out of the rode before someone hits you with their car" ( this is after 11pm at night)
I have come to realize that my husband has become a bit clumsy since he started some medication about 3 weeks ago. I will make a note
"No more bike rides for my husband"
Why? you might ask. 2 reasons...
The valve stem on one of the tires to our suburban decided to leak last night.
About 15 min later my husband and my son with a friend that was spending the night walk in.
How did they get to my work, you might ask?
They rode their bikes. Now I only live a mile away. My husband got the bright idea that he would ride a bicycle
He walks in with a bloody knee. Yes he managed to crash on the bicycle. My son tells me he fell off the curb and landed on the rode. My son looks at his father and says " dad get out of the rode before someone hits you with their car" ( this is after 11pm at night)
I have come to realize that my husband has become a bit clumsy since he started some medication about 3 weeks ago. I will make a note
"No more bike rides for my husband"
Friday, April 17, 2009
Our ferocsios guard dog.... Ya right
We have a German Shepard. He doesn't bark. He doesn't growl.... Well until the last two weeks. It all started with a growl that I did not think much of, Except stupid possums in my front yard.
Our truck was broken into....
This week he has not only growled, but barked at noises between midnight and 2:00 in the morning. Kevin sears he heard something or someone in the garage late one night. He got his gun and told me to let the dog outside. I think okay I opened the door and said follow daddy. He looked at me like was a frigging nut case. After my husband calls him outside he took to steps off the porch does a 360 right back to the porch. He sat their and watched my husband check the outside yards. I love my guard dog....
Then last night on April 15th about 2:00am Max our dog started barking at the front door. Kevin gets up lets the dog outside he takes off after a scented trail by the garbage cans and north gate of our yard. I think it was a raccoon. I was also think that my husband is starting to overreact.
Ya I don't think so.... Why? read on
This afternoon my husbands send me an email about three people being tied up and robbed at gun point in there apartment right up the road from my house. Someone called 911, the police showed up and caught them.
Scary for me That it happened in a neighborhood that is so quite. Maybe My dog was trying to tell me something. Maybe he knew something was up this last week. What ever it was I will be paying more attention to my dog!!!
Our truck was broken into....
This week he has not only growled, but barked at noises between midnight and 2:00 in the morning. Kevin sears he heard something or someone in the garage late one night. He got his gun and told me to let the dog outside. I think okay I opened the door and said follow daddy. He looked at me like was a frigging nut case. After my husband calls him outside he took to steps off the porch does a 360 right back to the porch. He sat their and watched my husband check the outside yards. I love my guard dog....
Then last night on April 15th about 2:00am Max our dog started barking at the front door. Kevin gets up lets the dog outside he takes off after a scented trail by the garbage cans and north gate of our yard. I think it was a raccoon. I was also think that my husband is starting to overreact.
Ya I don't think so.... Why? read on
This afternoon my husbands send me an email about three people being tied up and robbed at gun point in there apartment right up the road from my house. Someone called 911, the police showed up and caught them.
Scary for me That it happened in a neighborhood that is so quite. Maybe My dog was trying to tell me something. Maybe he knew something was up this last week. What ever it was I will be paying more attention to my dog!!!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Life
Its been to busy for me to post any comments on here. My mind is full of what ifs and recent changes to my work enviorment.
I have lost my position which I so dearly love. It has the right balance for my life. The upside I do have a job, just not sure what it is at the moment.
My husband is dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. He has never gone thought this type of health issue. He told me he does not wish this on anybody. This was caused by a hostile work environment by his supervisor. So now he with the union rep are trying to get this solved.
I got to thinking about why this happened. My husband is the only male in the department. Is it because my husband comes across as a type A personality. Does this supervisor not like or want another dominate male? Just my opinion my theory. Needless to say the meeting did not get very far and their will be a second meeting. I had just come off me gave shift and told my husband I was going with him.
Which was a good thing. At one point he asked me if I was coming in with him. I told him it would not be right for me to do that. He got this look he gets before he has another panic attack. I gave him another Xanex and after the meeting he said that worked.
My mom is currently staying with us to help with the kids so I can keep a better eye on my hubby. She has been wonderful. She gets in and gets whatever needs to be done, done.
We applied for the financial housing asstiance, to see if we could get our payments lower or back to the original payments. We go it back and we got a total of $60 bucks off our bill. Now we did get 4% interest, but it only added up to 60 bucks off. That was under the Bush plan. Now that Obama is in the office we don't even know if we can apply for the new plan. Word to the wise be careful on these plans and read them they have some read... if we give you this... you have to do this.
Do you ever feel like life takes for a very long drive, but they forgot to put brakes on the car? I so badly need the brakes.
Now a little fun story. We needed to buy Bella a new pair of shoes. We were in poulsbo looking at different shops. We went into one that is for kids. Clothes, toys, and shoes. We found her a pair of rubber boots that she picked out. Then I found a pair of shoes I just loved. One was in pink and one was in bright orange with hot pink shoe laces. I showed both pair to Bella and she picke the orange pair. Now mind you she turns 2 in June. She knows what she likes. What we did not show her was what her shoes could do. I had to take my husband to his doctor for an appointment. We put the shoes on and let her walk.
She took two steps and heard, "squeak squeak".
Yes they squeak when she walks.
She looks down with this expression of what the hell.
she takes another step... "squeak".
She looks at me, looks at her shoes, takes another step, "Squeak"
We walk into the doctors office and all you here in the lobby is... "squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak". My mom and I start laughing, everyone in their looks at us and you can here oh how cute, we got some giggles and one gal asked, "where did you get them I have to have a pair for my child"?
Now as soon as she gets up every morning she has put on her shoes. She loves them. What I like is you can here her whever she goes. I know when she is upstairs. I know when she goes into my bedroom. Its fun and functional.
If you want to view them google wee squeaks. Until next time you all behave
I have lost my position which I so dearly love. It has the right balance for my life. The upside I do have a job, just not sure what it is at the moment.
My husband is dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. He has never gone thought this type of health issue. He told me he does not wish this on anybody. This was caused by a hostile work environment by his supervisor. So now he with the union rep are trying to get this solved.
I got to thinking about why this happened. My husband is the only male in the department. Is it because my husband comes across as a type A personality. Does this supervisor not like or want another dominate male? Just my opinion my theory. Needless to say the meeting did not get very far and their will be a second meeting. I had just come off me gave shift and told my husband I was going with him.
Which was a good thing. At one point he asked me if I was coming in with him. I told him it would not be right for me to do that. He got this look he gets before he has another panic attack. I gave him another Xanex and after the meeting he said that worked.
My mom is currently staying with us to help with the kids so I can keep a better eye on my hubby. She has been wonderful. She gets in and gets whatever needs to be done, done.
We applied for the financial housing asstiance, to see if we could get our payments lower or back to the original payments. We go it back and we got a total of $60 bucks off our bill. Now we did get 4% interest, but it only added up to 60 bucks off. That was under the Bush plan. Now that Obama is in the office we don't even know if we can apply for the new plan. Word to the wise be careful on these plans and read them they have some read... if we give you this... you have to do this.
Do you ever feel like life takes for a very long drive, but they forgot to put brakes on the car? I so badly need the brakes.
Now a little fun story. We needed to buy Bella a new pair of shoes. We were in poulsbo looking at different shops. We went into one that is for kids. Clothes, toys, and shoes. We found her a pair of rubber boots that she picked out. Then I found a pair of shoes I just loved. One was in pink and one was in bright orange with hot pink shoe laces. I showed both pair to Bella and she picke the orange pair. Now mind you she turns 2 in June. She knows what she likes. What we did not show her was what her shoes could do. I had to take my husband to his doctor for an appointment. We put the shoes on and let her walk.
She took two steps and heard, "squeak squeak".
Yes they squeak when she walks.
She looks down with this expression of what the hell.
she takes another step... "squeak".
She looks at me, looks at her shoes, takes another step, "Squeak"
We walk into the doctors office and all you here in the lobby is... "squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak". My mom and I start laughing, everyone in their looks at us and you can here oh how cute, we got some giggles and one gal asked, "where did you get them I have to have a pair for my child"?
Now as soon as she gets up every morning she has put on her shoes. She loves them. What I like is you can here her whever she goes. I know when she is upstairs. I know when she goes into my bedroom. Its fun and functional.
If you want to view them google wee squeaks. Until next time you all behave
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
My soon to be next teenager.
So I am surviving my oldest who is 13 and half. He is getting tall, has hair showing up on his lip and blushes at the mention of girls. Now Kaleb is going to be completly different from Kevin. He is my sweetheart. He is very emotional, but love to be happy and always trying to make his baby sister laugh.
I do however wonder how he comes up with the things he does. Tonight he puts his foot in front of my face and says, "Does this look infected to you?" Now at this point I have to tell you that this seem like a big deal execept out of all my kids he has the worst foot odor I have ever smelt. Right up their with rotting eggs. I precede to look at his foot as he tells me...
"While dad was eating lunch today I was going to put my foot up on the table and ask him does this look infected to you?" He has this very innocent look on his face at this point. My oldest is laughing so hard he is on the floor. ALL I could do was stare at him. He then says "I didn't Leasel and Dakota where in the way:". I thought thank goodness. Seriously what makes a pre-teen think like that. I had some one tell me once that between the ages of 12 to 15 boys have no brains cells. Her boys are all grown up and expecting kids of their own. Its the only thing that makes since.
I do however wonder how he comes up with the things he does. Tonight he puts his foot in front of my face and says, "Does this look infected to you?" Now at this point I have to tell you that this seem like a big deal execept out of all my kids he has the worst foot odor I have ever smelt. Right up their with rotting eggs. I precede to look at his foot as he tells me...
"While dad was eating lunch today I was going to put my foot up on the table and ask him does this look infected to you?" He has this very innocent look on his face at this point. My oldest is laughing so hard he is on the floor. ALL I could do was stare at him. He then says "I didn't Leasel and Dakota where in the way:". I thought thank goodness. Seriously what makes a pre-teen think like that. I had some one tell me once that between the ages of 12 to 15 boys have no brains cells. Her boys are all grown up and expecting kids of their own. Its the only thing that makes since.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
new phone
Trying out my new phone. If anyone is looking for something very simular to an iphone try a samsung omnia if you want to stay with verizon. its a learning curve. i still want an iphone, but i am not willing to go to ATT.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Earthquake
at 5:25 I was sitting at my desk and felt my desk sway. I froze looked up at the hanging lights and thought earthquake. My heart started to pound. I have a slight phobias of earthquakes. I went through the big one in Cali back in "89" the 7.2. I was in Jr high then. I told the security guards that they are lucky I am still sitting here. I would be out those doors and all you would see is my dust. But my first instinct is to get to some place safe. Then I thought of my babies at home sleeping. I almost went into a panic attack. I have calmed down a bit. Looked up a web site and found out we had a 4.6 in the Seattle area. i am still shacking and it is taking everything I have to stay at my desk. I want to go home and make sure my babies are okay. My husband most likely slept through it. No text message from him. I am going to be very hesitant on leaving my kids this weekend. They are in good hands. My mom has been through all the same earthquakes I have. She knows what to do. Deep Breaths...
weekend gettaway
We are going out of town. The truck engine light is gone. I asked my husband Did you fix it or did the truck change its mind? He told me after tinkering with a few things and getting advice from his dad. They went to papa's house. well he was sitting at a light first one in line and no one else was around so he stomped on the gas. Took it to a high speed, very quickly, then slowed it down. The engine light was gone. We both think that something was clogged somewhere and he just blew it out. Got me to thinking. My mom never had problems with her cars, because every once in awhile on a lone road somewhere she would as she called it punch the engine. Now I don't know if it really does anything, but what the heck are those high speeds for if we are not suppose to use them, because its considered driving over the speed limit and you can get a ticket. My mom use to think that getting the engine up to a high speed fast would clean out crap in the engine. Her car's never broke down. So maybe their is something to the theory. It worked for us. I have been told that the day to day stop and go can be bad for vehicles. When all else fails putting your foot down does help. Now I don't recommend this at the busiest times of day. Nor do I condone I speed acts. But still what the heck do they give those high speeds for?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
getting the hell out of dodge...or not!!
I am suppose to be getting out of town this weekend. Just me and my Hubby.... well we are going with other friends, but we don't all have to stay together as a group. I am so looking forward to the snuggling and cuddling and holding hands, kissing and...
Well our 2003 suburban engine light came on. My husband went ot get it diagnosed and it could be 3 differnt things. he started with the oxygen sensors. he is going to do the other one tomorrow, well to top that some type of control panal on our furnece went out.
Kevin is fustrated, he knows how badly I want to get out of town. We have not been on a getaway in almost 7 years. I need a break from everything. I am just waiting for Kevin to tell me sorry honey, but we just can't go. Everyone keeps telling me go with out him.... I don't think so. The whole idea is to get away together. No kids, no pets, no work, just snow, mountains, wine, food, friends and lots of cuddling, and kissing. I can be such a teenager, I love making out with my husband. Yum!!!
Well our 2003 suburban engine light came on. My husband went ot get it diagnosed and it could be 3 differnt things. he started with the oxygen sensors. he is going to do the other one tomorrow, well to top that some type of control panal on our furnece went out.
Kevin is fustrated, he knows how badly I want to get out of town. We have not been on a getaway in almost 7 years. I need a break from everything. I am just waiting for Kevin to tell me sorry honey, but we just can't go. Everyone keeps telling me go with out him.... I don't think so. The whole idea is to get away together. No kids, no pets, no work, just snow, mountains, wine, food, friends and lots of cuddling, and kissing. I can be such a teenager, I love making out with my husband. Yum!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I guess I don't understand
I got an email passed to me from my dad. Now my dad is a hard republican. He is the old school Republican. I get these emails passed to me and a lot of them a I like cause they have pretty pictures or funny stories or can be quite comical. Well as they get passed along I wonder when people start adding their own 2 cents to the emails. Which I usually don't have a problem with that. But at the top of this email was something about the how the president elect bought the presidency with foreign money lies and smoking mirrors. I find mudslinging repulsive. I don't care who you are or what you are doing, Accusing someone of something and not having any hard evidence is not right. He is barely in office. The least we can do is give him a chance. Good lord we gave Bush two chances. I just became really irritated at that little stab, when the rest of the email had nothing to do with it and it was quite funny. I guess I don't understand what the obsession is saying things like that. We are now licking our wounds and trying to make a comeback. Our economy is in the crapper and people are getting laid off, losing their houses and waiting for a miracle. Obama has a long hard road ahead. the man like will turn gray and we will see him age very quick.
I look at it this way he take care of what on average 2 kids maybe three. we raise them pay for there stuff, teach them right from wrong and we cry when they break our hearts, or become sick to our stomachs when they don't come home at curfew. We lose some children and we have more. we adopt and we give them up. The presidency is like the mom and that president has to look out for his country. some screw up some do things right, but the president has 10 times the amount of children (all of us) to look after. He isn't always going to get it right. Did we with our first child. To this day I know what I could have done differently with my first, but I can't now he is 13 all I can do is pray I don't get it wrong the rest of his life. The president hopes for the same thing, that he doesn't get it wrong. He does not want to disappoint our nation, but the truth is he can't please everyone. My children can't always please me. Every time you pick up your child and hold them or feed them, love them or discipline them, think about the struggle we go through learning how to be a parent. The president will be going through that same struggle. We either unite and help him or we go our own way and fall apart. Give him a chance... We are all learning this together. we are all struggling together and watch for the rainbow...
I look at it this way he take care of what on average 2 kids maybe three. we raise them pay for there stuff, teach them right from wrong and we cry when they break our hearts, or become sick to our stomachs when they don't come home at curfew. We lose some children and we have more. we adopt and we give them up. The presidency is like the mom and that president has to look out for his country. some screw up some do things right, but the president has 10 times the amount of children (all of us) to look after. He isn't always going to get it right. Did we with our first child. To this day I know what I could have done differently with my first, but I can't now he is 13 all I can do is pray I don't get it wrong the rest of his life. The president hopes for the same thing, that he doesn't get it wrong. He does not want to disappoint our nation, but the truth is he can't please everyone. My children can't always please me. Every time you pick up your child and hold them or feed them, love them or discipline them, think about the struggle we go through learning how to be a parent. The president will be going through that same struggle. We either unite and help him or we go our own way and fall apart. Give him a chance... We are all learning this together. we are all struggling together and watch for the rainbow...
Friday, January 16, 2009
I feel like venting
I don't understand people. Why do some give other chances over and over and over? When is enough enough? Why can't I go to work and just do my work without problems? Why would you let someone walk all over you time after time after time? Don't give them last chances? Deal with the issue and stop being some ones patsy! I hate confrontation, but I hate knieving, sneaky, whiny, oh poor me attitudes worse!
People have no clue what they got tell they lose it. Maybe they should spend a day transporting the wife dying of cancer or walk into a 911 where the house is piled with unsanitary conditions and their are children living in filth or the mental person who can't help themselves cause they hear to many voices and you get to transport them for two hours,listen to their life story. The teenager that is considering suicide because his parents don't pay attention to him. This is some of the stuff I dealt with when I was an EMT.
My whole life changed because of the experiences I have had. I have a much better understanding of life. I think I have had two fight with my husband since I left being an EMT. its not worth it. My family, my children and my outlook on life is much more important to me.
I try really hard to look for the positive in everything and if I can't find it. I hope for the best.
I get so irritated with people when they are nothing but what I consider trouble makers life is crappy for them and when they are handed a silver platter they don't say thank you or I can't complain. I am in a better situation or job. No they have to look for ways to keep sticking a knife into people. I just want to slap them up along the head and say what the hell is wrong with you. Put a freakin smile on your face and be happy with what you got. It could be worse. Idiot!!!
okay I feel better now I can lay that to rest for now!! Until the next time.... Hmmm maybe there won't be a next time!
People have no clue what they got tell they lose it. Maybe they should spend a day transporting the wife dying of cancer or walk into a 911 where the house is piled with unsanitary conditions and their are children living in filth or the mental person who can't help themselves cause they hear to many voices and you get to transport them for two hours,listen to their life story. The teenager that is considering suicide because his parents don't pay attention to him. This is some of the stuff I dealt with when I was an EMT.
My whole life changed because of the experiences I have had. I have a much better understanding of life. I think I have had two fight with my husband since I left being an EMT. its not worth it. My family, my children and my outlook on life is much more important to me.
I try really hard to look for the positive in everything and if I can't find it. I hope for the best.
I get so irritated with people when they are nothing but what I consider trouble makers life is crappy for them and when they are handed a silver platter they don't say thank you or I can't complain. I am in a better situation or job. No they have to look for ways to keep sticking a knife into people. I just want to slap them up along the head and say what the hell is wrong with you. Put a freakin smile on your face and be happy with what you got. It could be worse. Idiot!!!
okay I feel better now I can lay that to rest for now!! Until the next time.... Hmmm maybe there won't be a next time!
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